adulthood is just an endless stream of phone calls you don’t want to make but have to
Your eyebrows are sisters, not twins.
The most comforting beauty advice I’ve ever been given. (via cinniie)
My mom say that everyone has a beautiful side. So I guess I’m a circle.
if someone calls you a slut, break their fucking neck without even hesitating or saying a single word and as they lay there on the ground dead, lean down close to their corpse and whisper
“slut means the end in swedish”
this is the most popular post i’ve ever made and its still fuckin going and i am GLAD
long-distance friendships are terrible because you can’t meet up with them whenever you want and hang out on any given day which is why when i’m president i’m relocating the entire human population into a 10,000,000 story skyscraper that also acts as a bridge from earth to the moon which comes with the added benefit of swinging the moon around like a fucking mace, god damn it’s gonna look so cool. what was i talking about
my talents include being able to sit on the toilet for 30 minutes being distracted by my phone
Sometimes I judge people by how much of The Princess Bride they can quote.
fun fact At my cousin’s wedding ceremony, his brother recited this to them as the best man speech and everyone started laughing and i think the bride started to cry
If this is not recited at some point during my wedding I will be greatly disappointed.
Text this so that your “hey” isn’t so boring